he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
