He disabled his match.com account in front of me
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
