Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
