yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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