I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
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it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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