We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
