Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
