I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
