so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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