Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
