I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
