She said her name was "party"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
