You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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