Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
