Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
