I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
