if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
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