I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
