You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
