they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
