he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
