I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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