I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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