I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
