just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
