My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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