The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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