weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
