Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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