Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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