'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
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Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
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I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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