For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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