my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
