I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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