you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize