New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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