so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
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I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
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He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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