Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you would pick up someone in the library
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
