Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
