I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
