it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
