TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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