Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
