Tell her she can't have a vagina
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
