Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
this beer tastes like vomit already
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
