if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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