So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
