i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
