Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
