I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
