Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
