so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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