phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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