Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
