I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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