Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
