If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
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