You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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