I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
false alarm, still single
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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