I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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