just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
