FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
