my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
