I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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