I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
