i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
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I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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