We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
