What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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