put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I want to be your penis for a week.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
