I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My balls are so social today.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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