i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
