Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
