How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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