I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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