I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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