your thong is hanging out like whoa
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
